About Him
I have many fine qualities which the sisters will find hard to resist. But you must try, sisters. There is only enough Hernando for one lucky woman.
I am very handsome, like a young Brad Pitt. The brothers in the congregation, they say I look more like Danny DeVito, but they are just joking with me. They do this because I have great sense of humour.
I have to wear an eye patch sometimes, to correct my lazy eye. But I am not a lazy man; I sign on for my benefits without fail every two weeks.
I am very spiritual. I sometimes write to the governing body to correct them where I have a difference of opinion. I think I would make a good appointed man. I keep asking the elders when I will be appointed, so I can tell the brothers what to do and so they can look up to me and give me praise and worship.
I am the alpha male of the pack, the lone wolf. I have two good friends- my parents. They tell me 'Hernando, you are not the lone wolf, but the little Chihuahua wearing the platform shoes and the ginger toupee'. But they joke with me also.
I like the idea of bringing people into the truth. To have a study look up to me as their spiritual leader would make me feel good. I have been praying for a study with an unmarried Swedish supermodel, with low self esteem and low standards in men, but nothing yet.
In Spain, the man fights the bull. I am the man and the bull.
I know I will receive many responses. Be patient while I reply to the many enquiries I receive from the sisters. If you are patient, you will receive your reward from Hernando.
I have a breathtaking chopper.
I also have a claim to fame. I am related to Freddie Mercury. I used to wash and iron his underpants. He said I was the sole beneficiary in his will. I think he lied. All those dirty underpants I had to wash and iron for nothing.
I am a millionaire. I own two tobacconists. Just don’t tell the elders or the benefits people.
About His Ideal Match
I like to stand on a box so I am taller than a woman. That way they have to look up to me. It makes me feel powerful to be worshipped. Also, my woman must have had a poor role model in her father, so she will respect me easily, and she must work two jobs, because I have a lot of daytime tv to watch. Finally, she must get a tattoo of my face on her back - I own her. A tattoo of my back on her face is optional - no one can say Hernando isnt a reasonable dwarf.
I have a chest freezer with a sturdy padlock on it, but I discipline in love. If you don’t respect me, I won’t lock you in there so long you get frostbite.
My parole officer endorses me. Here’s what he said. “If he were taller, and less of a coward, he might actually be dangerous. But as it is, a swift karate chop to the windpipe is sufficient to subdue him, the greasy little Spaniard."
My psychiatrist said "His double whopper is like a shrivelled chorizo." How dare he compare my manhood to the spicy sausage of my homeland.
My favourite game is Russian roulette. With live ammo. My wife will play first, at least 20 times. I'll only go next if she's blown her brains out. This is because Hernando means 'valour' in Spanish. My wives don't seem to live very long. I'm unlucky in love I guess.
